you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
