I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
