put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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