May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
