update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
