Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
