OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
