Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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