You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ttyl tear gas
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
