I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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