i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
