I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
