im about as happy as oj after his trial
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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