Michael Bay diarrhea
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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