shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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