I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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