you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
