Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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