he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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