wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
