He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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