ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
