You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
