I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
