You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
