I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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