Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
