ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
