so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
