Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
