I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
