It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
