I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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