I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
