I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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