if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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