There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
