Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
