bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
