I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize