Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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