one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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