i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
