I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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