ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize