i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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