he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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