You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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