i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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