apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
