Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
