you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
