So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
