There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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