she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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