This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
