we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
