life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
