Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she peed on how many people?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
