I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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