It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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