I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
