I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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