If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
