Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
