he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
