I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
