Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize