Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
