Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
