she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
