we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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