Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
