if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
