there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
