No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
